Frustration/Motivation

It's been a while, I know this. That's mainly due to the fact that nothing has really happened in my life recently that has compelled me to blog about it. It's also partly due to the fact that I've been busy writing other things, a book I thought would've have taken me places by now.

I don't understand this. I get good feedback; with every positive comment my belief that landing an agent is a phone call from happening feels that much more real. I'm grateful for the feedback I've gotten. With every revision, every revisit to this manuscript I feel myself growing more as a writer. Every time I think about the project I'm working on, the characters I've put more thought into than most real people I interact with on a daily basis, I'm reaffirmed that being a writer is the right path for me. The passion is there; the motivation is there. The dream is there.

The opportunity to make it a reality is right there.

This is where my motivation lies. I've been working hard on this manuscript. For over a year I've dedicated myself to it, getting the feedback and making the changes I need. I've grown so much as a writer and a person because of this project. You might think this is the only book I've attempted writing, so therefore I should just write another one and see if I have luck with that one. But that's not the case. I've written other books, and with none of the others have I felt this much passion for. I have such an emotional tie to this particular manuscript, and I've had a close enough offer with this one that I refuse to give up on it. No matter what the market says, no matter how many rejections lie in my wake, I can't give up on this manuscript. I love it too much, and want people to read it and feel what I feel when I read it too much to let it rest away on my hard drive.

Just today I got a reply from my test reader about the first part of the manuscript. Her first impressions were very positive, and as I was reading the email I couldn't help but smile with pride. Someone else--not me, the author, or an agent--was reading what I had written, and they liked it. I couldn't help but feel like I was doing something right. Not only that, but my enthusiasm over her enthusiasm is helped to further reassure me that this is the life for me. An offer may not come tomorrow, or in a week, a month--who knows. But I do know that it's coming. One day it'll come and I'll think back to this post with a smile and think to myself, "You were right".

Later. I've got a dream to keep shooting for.