If I Had To Choose...

So I recently finsihed reading a book called "Insurgent", the second book in Veronica Roth's "Divergent" trilogy. In case there are those of you not familiar with this stella series, here is a brief summary: The story centers around a girl named Tris, who lives in a dystopian society that is divided into five "factions" based on one virtue--Tris was born into Abnegation (the selfess), then there is Amity (peaceful), Erudite (intelligent), Candor (honest), and Dauntless (brave). On their sixteenth birthday, children must choose to either remain in their born faction or begin a new life in a new one. Tris (mild spoiler) chooses to become Dauntless, and the story kind of goes off from there. Based off what I've just written, it sounds like this post is about to turn into some rambling, fan-freak review. But it's not; perhaps I'll save that for another day. The purpose of this post is much different, and very personal. I'm the kind of person who loves to come across a book (or books) that bring up a deep emotional resonance. I also love books that make me think, and I can say that as I was reading "Insurgent" not only did it make me think, it brought up some very interesting questions that I posed for myself. One of those being the typical, "Which faction would I want to belong to if I were in this society?" Of course, as I thought about it, that question became harder and harder to answer. My immediate answer was Abnegation. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a very selfless person; I would rather be the one listening to a friend telling me about their problems than relishing in the attention of my own. I would rather help someone else than be helped myself. Once I'd settled on this answer, another question snowballed off of it: Is this a good or bad thing? This year, more than any other year, I've learned the price of being "Abnegation"; sometimes, you're so nice to people, so caring to them that you don't even notice when they are using that care and kindness to take advantage of you. And sometimes, like me, you do notice it, but you care too much about how those oppressing people will react to your protests, afraid you might hurt them, that you say nothing. What I just described above was exactly what happened to me recently. I allowed people I believed to be friends say sometimes horrible things to me, and I let them do it because they were my friends. They were just kidding, right? They didn't really mean it when they said I was "stupid" or a "pussy". They didn't just talk to me out of conveinience, only to leave me behind when someone new or better came along. Right? That, I realize, is the price of being Abnegation. While caring for the well-being of others is a great thing, and can result in some noble self-sacrifice a la Harry Potter, it is also a tool others can use to bend you into giving too much care where it isn't always deserved. This is why I think I would follow in the footsteps of Tris; if I had realized this by the time I turned sixteen, I would easily choose Dauntless over Abnegation. Then another question hit me: Aren't Abnegation and Dauntless kind of the same thing? Being Dauntless means being brave, being willing to throw yourself into a fight or some other dangerous situation. But if I were Abnegation, my selflessness would compel me to do the exact same thing, right? Selfless and brave are pretty much synomomous with one another, in more ways than just the obvious. Remember when I said that I would rather listen to what others had going on in their lives than to divulge my inner struggles? While it appears as being selfless on the surface, that could also be a source of pride, a trait that is commonly used to define those in Dauntless. Maybe I don't want to share what I'm feeling a lot of the time because (besides the obvious fact that I'm a male) I feel as if doing so would diminish who I am. Like the Dauntless, I'm being reckless in this way, only I'm being reckless toward being as the Abnegation would put it, selfish. I feel like I've made it seem like being selfless is a bad thing. Which it's not; there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will stop me from caring about others' thoughts and feelings. I just think that right now, having recently read this book and recently losing a few people I believed were friends, I'm a little bitter toward it at the moment. The thing is, I knew what they were doing to me, how I was being treated. But I said nothing. For the longest time I said nothing because I was too selfless. It wasn't until recently that I finally became Dauntless, or at least partially. Finally, another question struck me: Could I choose one? I made a 4.0 weighted GPA in high school and am always interested in learning new things; that could make me Erudite. I honestly hate to lie, even about small things; that could make me Candor. And I would rather talk things out than get violent; surely that would make me Amity. I think that's how it is with many people; we are all so versatile in our likes, dislikes, beliefs, ideas. But in the "Divergent" series, Roth has made it so that the characters have to choose only one like or dislike. One belief or disbelief. And that's what makes it so interesting: If you had to choose, could you? Anyway, the intent of this post wasn't to tell you so much about my problems, but I guess my Dauntless came out a little bit. But what you've just read...that, my friends, is the power of a good book.