College, T-Minus 1 Week

So...one week from today, I will officially begin my freshman year of college. Excuse my French but Holy. Freaking. Shit. This summer has gone by so slow, something I'm thankful for. Not because it was this epic, life-changing summer (in fact, aside from a few personal goals highlighted in previous posts, this summer was pretty bland), but because I had time. Time to enjoy time before its filled with classes and lectures and marathon study time. I'm sure not ALL of my time will be spent doing these things (I'll make sure of it); I've just really come to appreciate what free time I have over this three month break from school. One week. That's all I have left before my life changes, hopefully for the better. There are so many reasons to crave that change, just as there are so many reasons to want to prevent it. You see, I want to have free time. I want to be able to read at my leisure. I want to be able to write, revise, whatever, when I want to and not have to worry about getting homework done first. I want new friends. I want a life outside of my house. I want to learn new things, things I could only learn by attending college. I want new people in my life as much as I want the people that have always been there. God, I sound so needy. Sorry about that. But I guess that's what change does to you; you want it until you need it, so you talk about how you need it, and once it arrives, it's either the best thing that's happened to you or your questioning whether it was the right thing for you or not. As for me, I hope for the former. College will inevitably be a change from the life I've known for eighteen years. I'm going to try my best to make it the best change that's happened yet. So here's to one last week of free time that seems to strech into oblivion, days that don't begin until 10 AM, and to finish up that last book on your summer reading list! Sidenote: For those of you who read my post on learning French, I'm glad to report that my goal to learn the song "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" has been accomplished! Yes, I'm thrilled, and no, I will not sing it to you. :D

Goal-Oriented: Learning French

I like to think of myself as a very goal-oriented person. I hone in on a particular goal, mentally propose what I need to to reach that goal, as well as how long it will take me to get there. It also helps that I set mini-goals for myself as stepping stones to the overall goal. Wow, I'm using the word "goal" a lot, aren't I? The point is, goals are good. They keep you motivated and, at least for me, they make life a little interesting. If you know you're working toward something big, part of the fun is what you have to do to get there. Though not all of it is fun, as all of you fellow goal-keepers know. At the moment I have two very big, very ambitious goals that I'd like to obtain: Become a published writer, and learn to speak French fluently. You all know I've been working on the former goal for a while now and (mostly) everything I've been through in trying to reach that endpoint. So for now, I'll focus on the latter goal: learning French. My interest in the French language began my sophomore year in high school. It was my first stab at a French class, my first stab at attempting any foreign language. At first I was nervous, but as the class went on, I began to realize that learning the ways of francais were facile (easy). In no time I was learning basic words, finding patterns between the French and English languages, all the while thoroughly enjoying the experience. I quickly enrolled in French 2 the following year, and though I neglected to take French 3 my senior year, I found myself still referring to the French words I had picked up during my two years in Madame Lehr's class. Now that college is fastly approaching, I will find myself reunited with the language of love; my major requires me to take 2 years of a foreign language, and since I'd already gained an interest in French, I opted to taking that. But I think I would've taken it regardless if it were for my major or not, because not too long ago I made it a goal of mine to become fluent in the language. Though I'm still a few weeks away from classes (yikes!), I've taken it upon myself to reintroduce myself to the language. I purchased a laminated supplement filled with common words and phrases; much to my elation, I've found that I actually remember a lot of the common words/phrases. Still, I've established mini-goals for myself, trying to memorize the other, more unfamiliar parts of the supplement. I've also been listening to French songs and interviews (I suggest listening to a few French interviews of Marion Cotillard; even if you have no interest in learning French, the way she speaks...just do it). I'm also determined to memorize and understand Edith Piaf's famous song, "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" before classes start. So far I've gotten a few lines down, which is exciting all in its own. I know it'll be tough. I'm not doing it because I think it'll be easy. I like to be challenged, especially in a way that will ultimately benefit me in the future. I see myself continuing to learn more about the French language; perhaps by the end of the school year I will be able to hold a somewhat coherent conversation with a fellow French speaker. I also have a dream to one day write an entire novel in French. Can I get there? Absolutely. Will it be hard and at times tedious? Probably. But will it be worth it in the end? Oui!

If I Had To Choose...

So I recently finsihed reading a book called "Insurgent", the second book in Veronica Roth's "Divergent" trilogy. In case there are those of you not familiar with this stella series, here is a brief summary: The story centers around a girl named Tris, who lives in a dystopian society that is divided into five "factions" based on one virtue--Tris was born into Abnegation (the selfess), then there is Amity (peaceful), Erudite (intelligent), Candor (honest), and Dauntless (brave). On their sixteenth birthday, children must choose to either remain in their born faction or begin a new life in a new one. Tris (mild spoiler) chooses to become Dauntless, and the story kind of goes off from there. Based off what I've just written, it sounds like this post is about to turn into some rambling, fan-freak review. But it's not; perhaps I'll save that for another day. The purpose of this post is much different, and very personal. I'm the kind of person who loves to come across a book (or books) that bring up a deep emotional resonance. I also love books that make me think, and I can say that as I was reading "Insurgent" not only did it make me think, it brought up some very interesting questions that I posed for myself. One of those being the typical, "Which faction would I want to belong to if I were in this society?" Of course, as I thought about it, that question became harder and harder to answer. My immediate answer was Abnegation. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a very selfless person; I would rather be the one listening to a friend telling me about their problems than relishing in the attention of my own. I would rather help someone else than be helped myself. Once I'd settled on this answer, another question snowballed off of it: Is this a good or bad thing? This year, more than any other year, I've learned the price of being "Abnegation"; sometimes, you're so nice to people, so caring to them that you don't even notice when they are using that care and kindness to take advantage of you. And sometimes, like me, you do notice it, but you care too much about how those oppressing people will react to your protests, afraid you might hurt them, that you say nothing. What I just described above was exactly what happened to me recently. I allowed people I believed to be friends say sometimes horrible things to me, and I let them do it because they were my friends. They were just kidding, right? They didn't really mean it when they said I was "stupid" or a "pussy". They didn't just talk to me out of conveinience, only to leave me behind when someone new or better came along. Right? That, I realize, is the price of being Abnegation. While caring for the well-being of others is a great thing, and can result in some noble self-sacrifice a la Harry Potter, it is also a tool others can use to bend you into giving too much care where it isn't always deserved. This is why I think I would follow in the footsteps of Tris; if I had realized this by the time I turned sixteen, I would easily choose Dauntless over Abnegation. Then another question hit me: Aren't Abnegation and Dauntless kind of the same thing? Being Dauntless means being brave, being willing to throw yourself into a fight or some other dangerous situation. But if I were Abnegation, my selflessness would compel me to do the exact same thing, right? Selfless and brave are pretty much synomomous with one another, in more ways than just the obvious. Remember when I said that I would rather listen to what others had going on in their lives than to divulge my inner struggles? While it appears as being selfless on the surface, that could also be a source of pride, a trait that is commonly used to define those in Dauntless. Maybe I don't want to share what I'm feeling a lot of the time because (besides the obvious fact that I'm a male) I feel as if doing so would diminish who I am. Like the Dauntless, I'm being reckless in this way, only I'm being reckless toward being as the Abnegation would put it, selfish. I feel like I've made it seem like being selfless is a bad thing. Which it's not; there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will stop me from caring about others' thoughts and feelings. I just think that right now, having recently read this book and recently losing a few people I believed were friends, I'm a little bitter toward it at the moment. The thing is, I knew what they were doing to me, how I was being treated. But I said nothing. For the longest time I said nothing because I was too selfless. It wasn't until recently that I finally became Dauntless, or at least partially. Finally, another question struck me: Could I choose one? I made a 4.0 weighted GPA in high school and am always interested in learning new things; that could make me Erudite. I honestly hate to lie, even about small things; that could make me Candor. And I would rather talk things out than get violent; surely that would make me Amity. I think that's how it is with many people; we are all so versatile in our likes, dislikes, beliefs, ideas. But in the "Divergent" series, Roth has made it so that the characters have to choose only one like or dislike. One belief or disbelief. And that's what makes it so interesting: If you had to choose, could you? Anyway, the intent of this post wasn't to tell you so much about my problems, but I guess my Dauntless came out a little bit. But what you've just read...that, my friends, is the power of a good book.

End of an Era

I feel like I've been avoiding this post. Eight days ago I finally graduated from high school. The whole weekend building up to it was a spectacularly bright spot in an otherwise sub-par senior year. My grandparents, as well as my uncle and aunt (who I hadn't seen for 5 years) came down to watch me walk across the stage, and I was so happy and grateful that they could make it for such a special time in my life. The next few days were filled with family time, some goodbyes, and a pretty awesome trip to Wichita/Hutchinson. But now, it's eight days later; the honeymoon is over in a sense. My moment as a newly-minted graduate isn't as strong as it was last week, and I've settled back into normal life. I think that's kind of why I've avoided posting. Part of me doesn't want that part of my life to be over, but now, as I get all sentimental and look back at the last four years, I'm also so ready for the future. Freshman year: I still remember my first day, right down to what I was wearing. It was so overwhelming, being the new kid in this huge school. There were days where I didn't even want to go to school. But as the weeks passed, I realized that Junction City High School wasn't that big of a school, and that I would make it through just fine. This is a mentality I hope to bring with me as I enter my first year of college; whenever I'm overwhelmed, I will hope to remember that it's an adjustment period for everyone and that I will soon grow accustomed to college life. Freshman year did get better as it went on, filled with many laughs and memories, particularly in my Science class and English class. Sophomore year: Hands down, my best year of high school. Scratch that; my best year of school ever. This was the year I joined the school newspaper staff, where I found my niche at JCHS for my remaining three years. The memories and friendships I made my first year on staff are things I will never forget. I loved going into Room 125 and feeling like that was where I belonged. We went through so much together that first year, both good and bad, but I loved every minute of it. This was also the year I was given the writing assignment that would inspire me to write LOVECHILD, a novel I hope to share with the world sometime in the future. Junior year: This year definitely didn't live up to the high expectations I'd set for it. I returned to the Blue Jay staff as a Managing Editor, only to find our paper without an adviser for the first semester. There were days when I wanted to quit, but I held out because I believed that this paper could rise up from the disaster that it had been inflicted with. While I did enjoy being on staff, it definitely couldn't top the strong bond our staff from the year before had had. A shining spot of this year was my excellent AP Language class, a class that shed light on the kind of writer I hope to be in the future. This was also the year of my first prom, and the year I let one of my best friends go way too easily, a rash decision I regret to this day. Senior year: There was so much drama this year. I returned to the Blue Jay as the Editor-in-Chief, meaning it was my job to keep our wonderfully dysfunctional staff afloat. We had a vast array of characters on staff this year, some I grew to love, some I simply had to tolerate for the sake of being professional. But I was determined for the paper to make a comeback after the rocky year we endured last year, and I think we did just that: This year we published 8 issues, more issues in one year than there had ever been in my previous two years. By the end of the year I was so proud of how far the paper had come, and that I didn't quit like I had planned to junior year. Senior year also brought drama outside of Room 125, drama I am glad to be rid of for good. One of the saving graces about senior year is that you have that end-goal in sight, and you know that once you cross it, you won't ever have to see or hear from most of the people you've been surrounded with. Despite the ups and downs of this year, I feel like it was a year of success in many ways. And now, it's all over. Maybe four years from now I will write another post on this blog, breaking down my four years of college. Whether I do or not, I know, just as I know now coming out of high school, that I will have changed substantially. There will be many challenges and new experiences ahead of me that will shape me into a hopefully better person. I'm both nervous and excited for what lies ahead. I hope to meet some new, cool people during my time in college, people I can share new, amazing memories with. I hope that as I venture into the world as a young adult, I make the right choices and follow my heart in every situation that I'm presented with. An era has ended, and I'm about to embark into a new one. But for now, I just want to enjoy my summer. Until next time...

Reflection of 2011, Up Next in 2012

So it's been 3 months since my last entry, and now it's 2012. I'm not happy about this.

I meant to write this post yesterday, but sickness tethered me to either my bed or the couch all day. But still, here are my thoughts on 2011, two days after it has ended:

Looking back, 2011 doesn't seem like an eventful year for me. Nothing extraordinarily life-changing or tragic happened in my life. And yet, looking back once more, I can spot the little things that did.

1. I turned 18 back in September. My actual birthday fell on a school day, so I had my party a few days before. It's strange to think I'm considered an adult now, with a semester left of high school to go. I don't feel any different, either; the only aspect of my life that has changed since turning 18 is the fact that I can finally touch all of the machines at my job...not much of a stretch.

2. My older sister graduated and went away to college. I must admit, it was surreal to see my sister Elizabeth walk down our high school football field in her blue cap-and-gown, though accompanying her to her college dorm 3 months later and leaving her there tops that. Of course I knew I would see her again in a few weeks (her college is only a few hours away), just the fact that it would be weeks until I saw her again was an overwhelming thought to process. Apart from my mom, my sister has been the other dominant figure in my life; I've literally seen her every day. So it was strange not to interact with her for so long. Also, it was strange to be the oldest kid in the house, and to have my own room. I immediately noticed a quiet void in the house, though that went away a few days later with the hustle and bustle of school starting and all the distractions that entails.

3. I started my senior year of high school. Being a senior hasn't really kicked in yet; I've been told that really it's 2nd semester when one starts to "feel the power". However, it was a pretty decent 1st semester, and it was nice not to have so many classes to keep up with. The only time I've felt like a senior is when I'm in my post as Editor-in-Chief of our school newspaper. Ah. how I love newspaper; I can sum up the first semester as a successful challenge. It took me some time to realize that this paper was now on my shoulders, that I was the one who had to keep our eclectic staff together. It came with its obstacles, what with people not wanting to put their best effort into the product, as well as some staff tensions, but by the end of the semester we had put out 4 issues, one for each month we'd been in school. It was a goal I had set up before the year had even started, and despite some moments where I didn't believe we could pull it off, my staff pulled through. I've made some really great friends on staff this year as well; a few were friends of mine before while others went from being acquaintances to actualy friends. I'm looking forward to our second semester and maintaining our one-issue-per-month goal.

So while I may not look back on 2011 as a life-changing year, there are definitely moments that I'll recall wtih a smile, as well as moments where I massage my temples, remembering what a headache that experience was. I don't think I'll say the same for 2012, however, because whether I like it or not, this year is going to be big year of change for me.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end for me. Second semester resumes, though I think of it as my last semester of high school. Not only of high school, but of public, government-enforced schooling. I have approximately 4 months of innocence left, where I can depend on my parents for guidance and spend time with friends I know I won't see a lot of (or at all) come August. And while part of me is itching to be done with high school and some of its unnecessary rules, I feel like a stronger part of me doesn't want it to end. I haven't reached the point where I'm ready to let go of this part of my life; maybe I will once May 13 rolls around, but right now I want to enjoy my last semester as much as I can. While high school has provided me with plenty of headaches, I've had plenty more good times to outweigh the bad.

After graduation, of course comes college. As of now I'm still undecided, though I've narrowed it down to two schools and I'm likely to decide soon. Both seem to have an equal amount of pros and cons, which doesn't make the decision any easier. I've endured worse, though, so I'll be able to make this decision soon. Still, the thought of going to college worries me. I have to start all over again, something I'm not extremely good at. But I have time to change that, and hopefully I will once August comes around.

2012 will be a year of loss and gain for me. It will be a sad, joyful, yet hopefully fulfilling year for me. I usually keep a list of resolutions, but right now I can only think of one. I got painfully behind on my writing this year. I made revisions to my past project that I'm still restlessly seeking representation for, and my current WIP (Work in Progress) took a backseat to that and my schoolwork. The semester break has allowed me to get back into it, though, and I'm loving all the ideas and strings of dialogue that are coming my way. This creative surge has led me to conclude that no matter what happens this year, I will NOT abandon my writing. 2011 truly made me realize not only the reasons that I wanted to be a writer, but that this is something I definitely want to do for the rest of my life. I'm determined now more than ever to get my work published, and belive wholeheartedly that the development I made in 2011 will get me to that goal...perhaps even in 2012. Whether or not that happens this year or a little further down the road, I will keep writing and developing my skill; I've invested so much time and love into it to give it up for good.

I also hope to blog more this year. It seems to me that the problem with blogging is that there isn't much going on in my life that seems blogable (pretty sure I made that word up). However, with my last semester of high school upon me and college to look forward to in the fall, I feel like I'll have more to say this year than ever before. With that in mind, Happy Belated New Year, and I hope that whatever you set your mind to in 2012 pans out well for you. I promise to keep up with this thing, with events big or small and anything else in between.

Dustin